10 Jan 2012

A Moment of Weakness

Eli's been very unsettled last few days. What I mean by unsettled I'm talking about burst of sookiness or "fake cries" throughout the day, constantly wants to be held and taking up to 3 hours just to get him to sleep. It's an exhausting process which takes up so much time and poorly appropriate now that Ian's gone back to work. 

We don't really know what could be causing it. We've noticed his skin has flared up again due to the recent heat and humidity so he's been scratching his chest and behind his ears in irritation. We also noticed his ears were really smelly last week with lots of ear wax and we did go to the doctors to get a recommendation on how to tackle the wax but was told to do nothing more than what we're doing now.

This unpredictable behavior has made me wish I wasn't a mom. Made me want things to go back to how they use to be. I hated that I had no time to do anything I wanted to do, how all Ian and I ever talk about is him and planning our lives around him and annoyed at how demanding and hard work it all is.

But then he'll raise his arm and play with my mouth or babbles a conversations with me and my heart just melts. Seeing him happy (when he isn't sooking) makes me happy and fills me with love. 

I love my son so much. He is my precious gift and I will ensure no harm ever touches him.

I may not like being a mom at times but this love I feel towards him and the flow on affects it has on me I'm glad he bought it into my life.
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